I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
