mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize