Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
