I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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