went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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