u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
