i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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