he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize