Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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