Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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