found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
