I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
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