Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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