Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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