Why are handjobs necessary in class?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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