my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
