I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
