Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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