You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
