Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
