Define "chronic" masturbator.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
what day is it and did you see me today?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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