I think i peed on brittanys purse
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
