ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
