ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
