he looks like a really good dad on facebook
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
