I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
