my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
