sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Floor bacon is actually really good
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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