When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
