sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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