Non-Jews are for practice
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
My bed is full of blood and feathers
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
