did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
