oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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