I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
