Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
