Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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