I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
