I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
