I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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