Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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