have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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