Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
