Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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