The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
