whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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