OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
