Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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