I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
