i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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