a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
