Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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