Where did you get a picture of my penis
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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