spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
foreskin is a definite game changer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
