Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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