what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
