we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
