drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
