piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
