just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
