LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
this hospital has no fireball
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
