I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
