You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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