my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
