i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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