If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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