Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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