If you die in college, do you die in real life?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
