Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
