I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
