Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
