I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
