Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
