Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
